10 Years

I'll be honest... I'm having a little trouble deciding exactly what to write here today.  I'm just gonna roll with it. 

Today is March 5th.  10 years ago today, my mom lost a two-year battle with cancer.  10 years ago.  Could it really have been that long?  It's been 10 years since I've seen my mom.  It sounds weird saying that.  A lot has happened in the last 10 years.

I miss my mom.  I miss her something terrible.  There aren't too many days that go by that I don't have at least one thought about her.  I was 19 when she died.  She was 49.  I was entirely too young to lose a parent, and she was entirely too young to be taken from us.

She was the most amazing woman I've ever known.  She was the strongest person I've ever met.  She was courageous.  She fought so hard to beat cancer... and I never heard one complaint from her.  She was beautiful.  Unassuming.  Gentle.  Selfless.  Until the day she died, she thought nothing of herself... only others.  Her very last words on this earth were spoken to me.  Alone.  In a hospital room.  Just me and her... 10 minutes before she slipped into a coma, 4 hours before she died... she said to me "I love you, Jake.  You're going to be alright."  Even in death... always thinking of others.  That was my mom. 

I carry those words with me every day.  Every single day.

I don't know what you believe about heaven, but I tend to believe she knows what I'm up to.  She's never met my wife Kristi, but I believe she nudged me a little to go talk to her the first night we met.  She would love Kristi... and Kristi would love her, too. 

She's never met my son Logan, but I believe she knew him before God ever gave him to us. 

She never got to hold my little brother Blake, or my little sister Caroline alive... both were still-born... but I believe she's being a mom to them in heaven. 

The last time I talked to my mom, I was a sophomore in college.  Now, I'm a nearly 30 year-old husband, dad and pastor.  I am who I am today because of her.

I know that one day I will see her again.  For now, I'll see her in my memories.  There are so many great memories. 

I love you, mom. 

Comments

[Casey Ross]

Jake - Powerful words. Thanks for being open and transparent about today.

[Helen Reynolds]

I remember the 10 year mark after my dad died from cancer (June, 2006). I feel what you're sayin' because I've thought many times about all that my dad has missed out on in my life. But, I also remember how good God was to my family after his death and how I can't wait to see him in heaven where he'll be healthy again! Thanks for sharing such wonderful memories of your mom - what a terrific lady.

[jay hardwick]

tears are in my eyes as i type this...

thank you for sharing this, jake. i wonder if God had already given your mom a glimpse of what was to come in your life when she said those words to you 10 years ago. they've proven to be prophetic...you're doing alright. :-)

my thought as i read your words about your mom was, "would my kids say these kinds of things about me if God were to take me away today?" what a legacy...that 10 years later you still think of, miss, and love your mom as strongly as you do is testimony to how she lived her life. quite a challenge for all of us who have kids...

praying for you today, bro.

[Phillip McCart]

That was an incredible post. Thanks for being so transparent and sharing that with us. Love you man, praying for you.

[kristi]

those are beautiful words.

[andrea]

wow, i can hardly believe it has been 10 years. i've been praying for you today, jake. and, i've also been praying for your friends and their new baby boy!

[Cara]

Wow...tears are streaming down my face as I read your post from today. Those words are truly the most powerful I think you have ever written...what a beautiful memory and legacy...I know your mom will be so excited to meet your beautiful wife and son one day in heaven! Just think, one day we will be able to spend eternity worshipping God and spending time with our brothers and sisters in Christ-what could be better?

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

[Jake]

thank you to everyone who commented and emailed. i really do appreciate the sweet words, encouragement and prayers.

you guys are great.

[inWorship]

I really love the idea that our loved ones could still be looking down and appreciating the lives we are living.

I pray that for you and for others who have lost parents and loved ones.

When I read this, I am encouraged by your hope. I find even more peace in the eternity we all have in Him!